Regular Meals--at Home, and at Church

This past week, a pair of things happened that made me sit up and take notice.

They were a pair of meals: one was a family meal, and one was a meal at church.

Both meals stood out because of their delightfulness. They were both normal meals in most outward respects--normal in that they were the meals we all expected to have, with the people with whom we expected to have them.

But they both seemed to have a bit of something extra. At the family meal, everyone was just a bit happier than usual. The conversation, usually good, was even better. The food, also usually good, was amazing. The smiles and laughter, usually plentiful, seemed to overflow.

At church, it was Trinity Sunday. The sermon, usually good, seemed to strike at the heart even more deeply. The music, also usually good, was even more moving. The eucharistic meal we shared, always a fearful joy, felt even more meaningful.

The Normal and the Good
Experiencing these two very good meals, the one following closely on the other, made me think: The only way to have very good meals like this sometimes, is to have normal good meals all the time.

You can't really plan for a normal, regular meal that is better than usual--a normal meal that suddenly lifts up onto a higher plane of happiness and delight. It just happens, sometimes.

But it only really happens when you have normal, regular good meals, well...regularly.

Yes, there are things like wedding feasts--meals you expect to be extraordinary, both in fare and in delight. But...those are the exception.

In day-to-day life, the really good meals happen because the sort-of-okay meals happen. Because you faithfully show up, and prepare food, and listen to the people you love, and clean up afterwards.

Both at home, and at church.

If you want the extraordinary, you need to be there for the quotidian.

Show up.

Love.

Partake.

And then see what happens.


Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

Book Notes: "The Lifegiving Home," by Sally & Sarah Clarkson

"The Lifegiving Home" is a book about homemaking, written by mother-daughter writing pair Sally and Sarah Clarkson. After a fairly short introductory section, the rest of the book is divided up into twelve chapters, one for each month of the year, wherein the Clarksons discuss things like "Days to Commemorate: Marking Growth with Celebration" and "Creating a Framework for Home: Rhythms, Routines, and Rituals."

When I first picked it up, I assumed that this book was primarily written for wives and mothers, but it turns out that one of the authors is a single woman, and it became clear as I read on that "The Lifegiving Home" is aimed at all Christian women, which was a really nice surprise.

(The other surprise was that I ended up liking the chapters written by Sarah--the daughter of the team--better than those written by Sally. I was surprised by this because Sally is the writer I'd heard of--and read--before. But having read her, I'm pretty sure she's the sort of mom who's delighted by the fact that her daughter is starting to lap her.)

The main thrust of this book is that our homes are a tool and a staging area for loving the Lord by loving other people. It's absolutely a theme I resonate with. Here's a quotation that sums up the best of the book, for me:

When you understand the reality of incarnation, the way that the physical trappings of our lives and our use of time and space are places where God either comes in His creative presence or remains at bay, you understand that nothing is neutral. Nothing. You can't just waste an hour on the Internet. You can't just miss one sunrise in its beauty. No room is just space. No hour is meaningless. No meal is mere sustenance. Every rhythm and atom of existence are spaces in which the Kingdom can come, in which the story of God's love can be told anew, in which the stuff of life can be marvelously turned into love.

What I liked best about the book was also, weirdly, what I also liked the least: the authors did a beautiful job of describing what a "lifegiving home" might look like. The most inspiring part of the book was simply being reminded that our everyday work in our homes is important, and then being shown, in concrete examples from the authors' own lives, what that might look like. But those same reminders and examples eventually, for me, grew a bit weary-making. For example, the idea of playing "lilting Celtic music" to promote a beautiful atmosphere was lovely the first time I heard it ... but by the end of a long book, I never wanted to hear about "lilting Celtic music" ever again.

To be fair, I think that kind of repetition is hard to avoid in a book like this, and I appreciate the authors' willing vulnerability in using their own lives as examples of the principles they were talking about. Most of their examples were beautiful, encouraging, and refreshing. But I think the book probably could have been a bit shorter, had a few fewer lists of ideas, a little less repetition, and not really suffered for the loss.  (Note: if you read a chapter each month, instead of reading the whole book at once, the repetition probably wouldn't be much of an issue.)

But, I'd be remiss not to also talk about why the concrete reminders were the best part of the book, too. The pictures Sarah and Sally painted of ordinary, good family life were inspiring, and they were inspiring because they were reminders both that all of this quotidian labor matters, and also that all of this quotidian labor really can be done well. It's not an impossible task. It's a good thing, it matters, and it can be done well.

That's a reminder I can stand to hear most days.

And, finally, because I am a Christian-church-year nerd, I have to say how much I enjoyed Sarah's December chapter, where she geeked out about the glories of Advent and all twelve days of Christmas.  I loved it.  The whole thing was awesome, and if I tried to copy out all of my favorite quotations from that chapter, this review would probably be twice as long as it already is. So, let it suffice for me to type out my favorite sentence, which comes in the context of Sarah explaining that the feasting part of the Christian cycle of feasts-and-fasts isn't about hedonistic over-indulgence, but, rather:

The point is to put flesh and expression to joy.

Yes. Exactly this.

In fact, I think you could safely say that the point of this entire book is that homemaking can be one way to put flesh and expression to love.

Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

This post contains Amazon affiliate links; if you purchase a book from this link, I receive a small percentage of the purchase price.  (See full disclosure on sidebar of my blog.)

Ugly corner fix, II

A few months ago, I posted about fixing an ugly corner by crocheting a cover for the beat-up cardboard box that holds our printer paper.

Today I'm writing about a much simpler fix: I didn't have to make anything for this one. I just bought stuff.

Here is our "art shelf" as it was: messy, worn, and sad:

We bought ourselves some fabric crates, and now our shelf is glad:

But no, really: having containers that are big enough to actually CONTAIN what you put in them (in this case, to contain our multitudes of crayons, markers, and colored pencils) really makes a difference.

Here's to useful, beautiful changes!

Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

Yarnalong: Oh-so-bright socks & "Love the Home You Have"

Today I'm linking up with Ginny, over at Small Things, who says, "Two of my favorite things are knitting and reading . . . I love seeing what other people are knitting and reading as well. So, what are you knitting or crocheting right now? What are you reading?"

The book:

I'm reading "Love the Home You Have", by Melissa Michaels. As a mom of four in a small home, I admit to loving the title. :) 

And so far the book is pretty good. I don't identify much with the author - she's someone who has moved many, many times, mostly just in search of the "perfect home" - and I'm someone who enjoys staying put when I can. But I do appreciate her search for contentment, and now that I'm through the more biographical part of the book, I'm curious to see what practical advice she has for me.

The knitting:

The knitting is (yay!) birthday yarn! It's Schachenmayr Regia Fluormania Color in Neon Beach (Rav link). It's so beautifully bright. I almost made the yarn into a scarf (and I have another skein of it, so I might yet), but I was really in the mood for making socks, so I just gave into the impulse!  

What are you making and reading this week?

Peace of Christ to you,

Jessica Snell

This post contains an Amazon affiliate link; if you purchase a book from this link, I receive a small percentage of the purchase price.  (See full disclosure on sidebar of my blog.)

Weekly Links - Christmas Edition

I know, I know, it's not weekly at all. But, Christmas!

Okay, here's my list of good reading for what's left of your weekend - and I've been saving links the whole time I've been on holiday, so this particular link entry is particularly full of goodness!

It IS still Christmas, for two more days, so I'll start with the seasonal links:

-"Christmas Can Be Creative!" - fun (mostly easy!) group-oriented ideas for the last few days of Christmas.

-"The Party Has Just Begun" - I'm a bit late linking to this one, but it's good for the last few days of Christmas this year, and it's also so resource-full that it's a good one to bookmark for when the season rolls around again.

-"Every Shepherd Soul" and the Invisible Mission of the Son - a good meditation on a mostly-forgotten hymn.

-"The Slaying Song Tonight" - Unlike the rest of the links on the list, this one isn't informational. It's a piece of holiday flash fiction by Lars Walker, one of my favorite authors. Flash fiction often requires at least two readings, because the ending can change your perception of the beginning so much. That's certainly so in this case.

-"Christmas Traditions Without Kids" - Another good one to bookmark. So many holiday activities are planned around children, but not everyone is a parent, and Lisa has lots of good thoughts on how to celebrate with your loved ones if that's the case for you.


Now, moving on to the more general interest links:

-"Making Home" - Jessica Brown is one of my new favorite authors (I might have had a sneak peek at her upcoming book project), and I thought this meditation of hers was really beautiful.

-"You Don't Need a Date Night" - for all of us who love just living ordinary life with our spouses!

-"Why Is English So Weirdly Different From Other Languages?" - my fellow etymology nerds will love this one. (Especially when you read here that etymology isn't really a big deal in languages that aren't as weird as ours!)

-"King Lear: The Syntax and Scansion of Insanity" - Another good one for English nerds - esp. if you're into not just etymology, but also literature.

-"The Secret to My Productivity, Or: Thoughts About Luxury and Privilege" - a lot of home truths here.

-"Writing Wednesday: Are Short Stories Worth It?" - Yes - but only if you sincerely like them!

-"7 Reasons to Join the Liturgy of Life Reading Group 2016" - Another one from Erica and, yes, I might have personal reasons for thinking this looks like a great reading group, but even aside from those: Folks, this looks like a great reading group!



Happy Christmas, dear ones!

-Jessica Snell

Weekly Links: the "My Writer Friends are Awesome" edition

My first link this week is really exciting! (to me, anyway, but to you, too, if you like good fiction!)
My friend, Ann Dominguez, has just released her first novel!

You might know Ann from the Ordinary Time chapter of "Let Us Keep the Feast". And if you do, you know she writes clear, beautiful prose that makes you happy to be alive in the world.

Well, the same is true of her fiction. I had the honor of reading one of the first drafts of this novel, and it kept my attention throughout the whole story. I love how she marries the tense, commercial form of a thriller with acute observation of the rhythm and flow of ordinary, everyday work and relationships.

Also? She's a practicing physician herself, so you can count on the medical details of the thriller being accurate. :)

Anyway, here is a link for "The Match", a medical thriller by Ann Dominguez.  Enjoy!



Okay, now on to shorter reads . . .

-And now that I've mentioned Ordinary Time and the church year, here's an interesting little post on Advent: "The War on Advent". An excerpt:

For many centuries, Advent was a season of spiritual preparation before the Feast of Christmas. It began four Sundays before Christmas. Contrary to the practice of so-called Advent in many churches, it wasn’t focused on the story of the birth of Christ and the singing of carols. That’s for the Christmas season. Instead, Advent is a time of reflection, penitence, and preparation, not of celebration.

-A piece on freelance writers and ethics: "Wil Wheaton and Why I Won't Write for the Huffington Post Anymore".


-"How to Stage Your Home for Living" - this article has such a very, very good point:

So then, in the weeks prior to our house hitting the market, we spent numerous hours "stageing our home for the sale . . . I can't help but be struck by the irony of the situation. We spend countless hours getting our home into its best possible condition, only to leave it? Most of the time while staging our home for sale, I wondered why we had never put in the effort to stage our home for living. You know, so we could have actually enjoyed it more while we called it home.

"50 Things a Man Should Be Able to Do" - I thought this was much better than most lists of its sort.


Oh, this is wonderful! It's a reprint of an old interview with J. R. R. Tolkien, and reams could be written in response to every paragraph. Lovely.  "JRR Tolkien: I never expected a money success".  The bit I keep particularly chewing over and over again in my mind is this:

Some people have criticised the Ring as lacking religion. Tolkien denies this: “Of course God is in The Lord of the Rings. The period was pre-Christian, but it was a monotheistic world.” 

Monotheistic? Then who was the One God of Middle-earth? 

Tolkien was taken aback: “The one, of course! The book is about the world that God created – the actual world of this planet.”

"Evangelicals Need to Read Richard Hooker": this article hooked me as soon as I read the phrase: Think of him as Anglicanism's John Calvin. Of course I had to read it all! And so should you. :)



Finally, this isn't a proper link, really, but this last week's collect (from the Book of Common Prayer) was amazing. I was so glad to have it as part of my daily prayers and thought you all might appreciate it, too. Here it is:

O God, whose blessed Son came into the world that he might
destroy the works of the devil and make us children of God
and heirs of eternal life: Grant that, having this hope, we may
purify ourselves as he is pure; that, when he comes again
with power and great glory, we may be made like him in his
eternal and glorious kingdom; where he lives and reigns with
you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Amen.

Have a great weekend, folks!

Peace of Christ to you,

Jessica Snell


This post contains an Amazon affiliate link; if you purchase a book from this link, I receive a small percentage of the purchase price.  (See full disclosure on sidebar of my blog.)

Frugal Hack: a DIY Cleaning Caddy

So, my local grocery store had these cool bags that have six little compartments, for when you buy six bottles of wine at a time. (Hey - you get 30% off that way - and wine keeps!)

I had one of these bags under my sink because, yes, I am totally the sort of person who saves bags to see if I can find a use for them.

And as I was cleaning my house, I found myself wishing I had one of those neat caddies you can use to cart your cleaning supplies around. (Yes, I am cleaning my house enough that I found myself wishing for proper tools to help with the job. I am almost a real grown-up.)

But I am also frugal, and I wondered: do I really have to spend money for this?

The answer is: no! There is a DIY hack for this!

And here it is:

Yep, it's a DIY cleaning caddy. I cut one of the six compartments up to make it into one big compartment, so I could fit some paper towel in there - see the big space on the left?

Yes, I'm frugal, but I still use paper towels. Sometimes. I use cut-up old t-shirts for rags, too, but occasionally there are messes you just want to be able to THROW AWAY.

This DIY caddy has worked beautifully. It keeps my cleaning supplies together, it's light, it has handles, it's easy to store away in the closet when I'm not using it. It holds my paper towel, my rags, my Bon Ami, my Mrs. Meyer general cleaning spray, my homemade vinegar/water spray, and my feather duster.

I will end with a picture of my cat trying to convince me he is NOT AT ALL INTERESTED in the feather duster. Nope. Not a little bit. Oh no, not him . . . :)

Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell


This post contains an Amazon affiliate link; if you purchase a book from this link, I receive a small percentage of the purchase price.  (See full disclosure on sidebar of my blog.)

Little Liturgies

I've been thinking about little liturgies. You know, the prayers and blessings that sprinkle our days.

"Liturgy" means "the work of the people". And it refers, of course, to the work of the people in worshipping God, primarily as we meet together as the church. (Maybe even "exclusively" and not "primarily". I'm not sure, to be honest.)

"Liturgy", then, rightly brings to mind the official liturgies of Sundays and feast days that define our weeks and months and years.

But then there are the smaller habits of prayer that develop differently in each household. These aren't official liturgies, but they serve similar functions in most of our lives, and many of them are utterly commonplace and utterly good.


In our home, it's  the "I love you" and "Jesus bless you" at school drop-off.

It's  "The Lord bless you" "And keep you!" that my husband and I exchange as he leaves for work

It's the "Guide us waking, oh Lord, and guard us sleeping . . ." that we pray with the kids each night



I suppose, in the end, that I'm talking about habits, but particularly those habits that tie us to God and to each other at the same time.

I imagine each Christian household grows its own little liturgies as the years roll on. What are the little liturgies in your home?


Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

Recently-tried Recipes

Here are some recipes I've tried recently and enjoyed. Thought you might like them too!

1) Faux "Orange Julius": This was very like its namesake. A delicious weekend breakfast treat.

2) Chilled Black Bean, Feta, and Cucumber Salad: a nice, healthy summer lunch.

3) Tex-Mex Chopped Salad: oh, this was so good. A party in your mouth. And a perfectly delightful dinner.

4) Greek Pasta Salad: Yummy, again. (If you haven't caught on yet, I only link to recipes I liked.) This was one that was stellar the first day, but even better the next.

Also, for what it's worth, I added a can of cooked chicken, just to up the protein content for my six-person family.

5) Garlicky Baked Shrimp: I actually made this with a frozen seafood mix from Trader Joe's - so I had more than just shrimp. Despite that, it turned out really well. I liked the crunchy topping, and the convenience of baking the seafood instead of sautéing it.


Let me know if there's any good recipes you've tried recently - I love getting new ideas for dinner!

Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

How to Make Your Own Housekeeping List

Last month, I blogged about my housekeeping list, and mentioned that it had evolved over the years.

What if you’re just at the start of figuring this out? What if you don't know where to start in making your own list? No shame in that: I think a lot of us hit adulthood realizing that day-to-day stuff is more complicated than we thought. You can have the very best of parents, and still you’ll stumble across the odd gap here and there in your knowledge of how to run a home.

Moreover, most of us end up in homes that look different than the homes of our childhood. Maybe you grew up in a suburban house, and end up in a city apartment. Or maybe you grew up in a log cabin in the sub-Arctic and end up in a Southern California condo. (Just to pick a not-at-all random example!)

So here’s my advice for starting your own housekeeping to-do list. This won’t make everything run perfectly right away, but I think it’ll get you well started in the right direction.

Step 1: Take Notes
Don’t change anything the first week. Just write down what you actually do. Do you do the dishes once a night? Do you let the pile up and tackle them all every few days? Write it down.

Step 2: Evaluate
After you’ve got your little journal of your weekly chore-doing, study it. What works? Is your kitchen always clean because you’ve got a habit of cleaning up after every meal? Awesome! Write down “clean up after every meal” on your new chore list. Don’t change what’s working.

What about what’s not? Is the floor crunchy because your once-a-week sweeping isn’t cutting it? Okay. Don’t feel badly, and don’t panic. Just tweak it. Write down “sweep floor twice weekly”. Then do that for a week. At the end of the second week, evaluate. Was that enough? If so, that’s what stays on your list. Not enough? Make it three times. Try again. Evaluate. Wash, rinse, and repeat for all of your chores.

Final step of evaluation: what are you not doing at all? There’s bound to be something, and these can take longer to notice. But as you get into a rhythm, eventually you’ll look up and think, “Huh. I think my windows might need washing every eon or so.” Put it on the list.

Step 3: Just Do It
Once you’ve spent a few weeks getting a list that more or less works, just live it. Follow the list, check stuff off. None of this works unless you actually do the work. But if you do, you’ll have a clean house! And, honestly, that’s worth a lot more than a lot of us admit. It’s sanity-inducing, it honestly is.

A Few Notes
Did my example of only sweeping once a week make you wince? Yeah, me too. But that’s because I have four kids, a cat, and a dog. I sweep ALL THE TIME. When there was just me and my husband? Once a week honestly might have been more than plenty.

And that’s my point: your list isn’t going to look like anyone else’s. Your list might not even look like your-list-last-year.

This sort of thing takes two things: constant tweaking in concept and constant diligence in actually doing the work.

Those two things – the flexibility and the consistency – seem opposed, but they actually work together beautifully. You need both.

Also? I’m totally preaching to myself here. Don’t come over to my house and throw tomatoes! I do struggle and have struggled with this. Why do you think I have so much to say about it? :D  It does not come easily or naturally to me, not at all.

But it’s important to me, because I’m happier when my house is clean. And my family is happier. And we can actually do stuff in our home, which is hugely important to me. I want room and space for all the craft projects that we do, and the games my kids play, and those long homework sessions, and those long but-so-much-more-enjoyable read-aloud sessions, and those meals together, and those movie nights with friends, and . . . . and, and, and.

Just all the stuff. I want it all. But when my house is messy (and guys, seriously, it has been messy so many times), I feel grumpy and I don’t want to do anything.

So, yeah. Totally preaching to myself. Not lecturing at you. Reminding myself why it’s worth it.

But if you get any good out of me lecturing myself, well, that’s not just the icing on the cake, it’s the sugar sprinkles, nonpareils, and candles, too. :D


Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

How I Handle Housework (hint: it involves lots of lists!)

When I wrote my last post on my New Year’s resolutions, I mentioned that I have a housework to-do list that mostly works for me at this point, and threatened to blog about it. One kind commenter encouraged me to go ahead and write about it, and that’s all the encouragement I needed! :D See how little prodding it takes to get a writer to write?

The truth is, though, that between when I wrote about my resolution and when I’m writing this post, I edited my housekeeping list again.

I say “again” because I’m always doing this. I’ve been keeping lists ever since I got married and had my own home, and they’re always a work in progress.

And I think that’s necessary. I think to keep house you have to be a bit flexible. You have to realize that your life is constantly changing (at least while your kids are growing) and so what works one year might not work the next.

On the other hand, some things never change: the dishes always need to be done, the bathroom always needs to be cleaned. And so you have to have some kind of structure. And some way of prioritizing.

The List
So here’s where I’ve landed now: I have a list that I print out every week. The list always has these things on it:

-a menu-planning section: this is where I just jot down what I’m making for dinner each night. I usually make my grocery list at the same time that I fill this out.

-an “other cooking jobs” section: things like desserts I want to bake, or veggies that need prepping.

-an “ongoing projects” section: this is where I list big jobs that might take more than one week to accomplish. Recent entries include things like updating our will and fixing an insurance foul-up.

-a “declutter” section: I’m slowly decluttering our house, and I just write down what part I’m working on this week, so I don’t forget. (I have another place where I keep track of the date I finish each room. Seriously, this is a year-long thing. Not quick. I have to write it down in order to have any chance of remembering where I am.)

-a “weekly” section: This is really the heart of the list. This is the stuff that has to get done each week in order for life in our house to stay sane. Right now (again, this changes with life stages), my list includes:

-watering inside plants (2X)
-watering outside plants (2X)
-upstairs bathroom
-downstairs bathroom
-sweep patio
-laundry
-vacuum upstairs floors
-clear desk of paperwork
-dust
-mirrors
-back up computer

You’ll notice I don’t have “clean the kitchen” or “clean the downstairs floors” on there. That’s because those are really daily. I’ll get to daily stuff in a minute.

-a “monthly” section:
These are the things that aren’t urgent, but do need to happen regularly. My list includes:

-clean out purse
-clean fridge
-wipe down walls
-clean microwave
-buy next month’s gifts
-clean van
-mending
-pay bils
-file stuff

And that’s all that’s on the list. It sounds like a lot, but it fits onto one sheet of paper. I have a template in Word, and I just print it out – one copy per week – and then make whatever notes on it I need to. When it comes to the “monthly” section, I’ll just cross off the chores I’ve already done right away. I’ve experimented with a lot of different formats, and this is really the one that works best for me.

Two other necessary parts of the system
However, this list by itself isn’t enough to keep things ticking over cleanly in our house. There are two other things I’ve found that I need to do.

A Daily Walk-Through
I’ll be honest: I’ve fussed and kicked against this idea for years. I honestly want to be able to just check off my weekly and monthly chores and be done with it.

But it’s not enough. If I just did that, we’d still have a messy house.

What I have to do is spend at least five minutes in each room of the house – per day – and pick up, straight up, and wipe down whatever needs to be picked up, straightened up, and wiped down.

So, do I clean the bathrooms every day? No. Not if by “clean” you mean “scrub and polish every surface with appropriate chemicals and implements”. No, that’s a once-a-week thing. But do I clean the bathrooms every day? Well, yeah. If by “clean” you mean “wipe up anything particularly gross and take a minute to sweep up loose hairs”.

And when I do that? It’s a lot easier to do the deeper cleaning once a week. So much faster.

Again: I kind of hate that I have to do the walk-through every day. But oh-my-goodness, I love living in a clean house. So. Much. Love. It makes me feel sane in a way you wouldn’t believe.

And so it’s worth it.

The even-longer to-do list
Here’s the last part of the system: underneath my weekly print-out that I talked about above, I have another list. This is the list that holds long-term projects. You know, the stuff you think you’re going to have time to get down when the long summer months come but that you actually end up getting done in dribs and drabs on the busy weekday evenings? Yeah, that stuff. The small repairs, the complicate paperwork, the it-really-would-be-nice-if-we-replaced-that-forty-year-old-whatever-with-something-that-actually-worked-properly
.
It’s the stuff that, if you don’t write it down, will bug you. But if you do write it down, then someday, someday, you can cross it off and feel incredibly accomplished.

And if you keep this list around for a year or so, you can actually see progress. It’s magical.

So that’s it! And – since I’m always interested in doing this more efficiently – I would love to hear what works for you!

Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

Not Perfect, But Better

"Not perfect, but better."

It's my new mantra.

The kitchen floor after I've swept it? Not perfect, but better. My manuscript, after I've spent an hour editing it? Not perfect, but better. My relationship with my kids, after I've sat down and read stories with them? Not perfect, but better. My heart, after I've stopped and prayed? Not perfect, but better.

So often I look at the list of things I have to do, and feel defeated before I start. Why bother, if I'm not going to get it all done? More than that: if I'm not going to get it all done and get it done well?

But that's a lie. And despite how depressed it makes me feel, it's a tempting lie. It lets me think, for one thing, that perfection is something within my - mine own, my very, very own - grasp. Uh-huh.

But slowly, slowly, the Lord is helping me learn the truth: it's not my job to be perfect, it's my job to be faithful. Which I can only do with His help.

So, having faith that He can make up my lack, I start. I put in some time. And you know what? Whatever I'm working on usually gets better. Not perfect, but better.

And better ain't bad.


-Jessica Snell

Links: Domestic Monasteries, Dark Personalities, and More!

"The Secret of a Domestic Monastery":

It doesn’t have to do with getting the kids to walk around in silence (though, boy, that’d be nice if I could pull it off), nor is it about observing the exact same prayer times as consecrated religious. Boiled down to its core, the hallmark of the monastic schedule is that the way you use your time reflects your true priorities. Your daily life is one of constantly pushing back against the world’s expectations, making real, sometimes difficult sacrifices so that your time is not swept away by the current of the world’s priorities.

"Psychology Uncovers Sex Appeal of Dark Personalities": this is a fascinating study (hat tip to my friend, Roland, for the link!):

 . . . In other words, people with dark personality traits are not seen as more physically attractive than others when you take away their freedom to wear their own clothes and makeup. People with dark personalities seem to be better at making themselves physically appealing.

"Saying Stuff (about the Lord's Supper)":

And the stuff God says is totally different from the stuff we say. He says LITERAL STUFF. He speaks, and worlds come into being. He says, “let there be,” and it is. Stuff is, because God says for it to be. Of course I’m referring to Genesis 1, but it’s all through the Bible. For instance, look at Psalm 33:6 “By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, and by the breath of his mouth all their host.” He says “let there be stars,” and all the stars come out. They obey before they exist. They exist by obeying the word of the Lord.

"Learning to Trust the Instruments":

In the aftermath, investigators found that almost everything that had gone wrong had been the fault of the pilots. When the plane encountered significant turbulence the pilots should have responded according to their flight training and according to the plane’s manual. Instead, they relied on instinct. And then, when the plane began to experience further complications, the pilots ignored the instruments that should have directed them to the source of the problem and the straightforward solution. They swung the plane violently from side to side attempting to right it because they ignored the aircraft’s instrument that told them where the horizon was and how to keep the plane level. They ignored the instruments that told them that their engine problem was not as serious as they thought. Blinded by the stress of the situation, they ignored the manual and did things their own way. It very nearly cost them their lives and the lives of hundreds of passengers.

And, finally, an advertisement that absolutely succeeded in making me want to give my money to the people who are asking for it - but they're not gonna take my money till . . . May? C'mon!! Why isn't this a Christmas release? Boo.
But, without further ado, Kirk, Cumberbatch, and . . . Khan?  Sorry, I mean: Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

Halfway Through 2012

I'm stealing this from momco3, so go over to her blog and check out her mid-year reflection on her New Year's Resolutions.

How am I doing on my New Year's Resolutions?
It's over halfway through the year, and time for a check-up. So, how am I doing?

Well, better than I thought I might be. Last year, I had about 20 resolutions. This year, I only have five. (Some year, I might decide to be sane and only have one.)

Here's what I wrote in my journal before I made my resolutions:

I’m wondering if my word for this next year, for this upcoming year, ought to be “faithful”. Last year it was “attend”, and I still don’t feel like I’ve come to the end of that.

But “faithful” came to me tonight, and here’s the fleshing out of that: I know what to do, and I just need to be faithful to do it. I know what my priorities are: I’m for loving God first, then for loving Adam, then for loving our children, then for writing, and then for taking care of my house (which really is a sub-section under loving Adam and the kids), and then . . . then I get a bit more confused. Extended family, friends, and church probably come in there next. But the first four are very clear: God, Adam, kids, writing. That’s me, those are my duty.

And I do all of those, but not faithfully. Not like breathing. And not in the right order, always. Or even often. So, “faithful”. I want to be faithful. I want to do the things I know I’m supposed to do, and do the most important ones first, and then let the rest fall into place.

The resolutions
-Love God. Specific ways I’m going to try and show this love:

            -use the St. James devotional to read the Bible

            -use the St. James devotional or the BCP to pray, including Prayers of the People.

            -pray the Jesus prayer throughout the day.

            -pray and read Bible stories with the kids.

How am I doing on this one? Well, I've kept up on the first one, and on praying with the kids, but the rest have been spotty. Not non-existent, just inconsistent. So, I want to be more mindful of them for the rest of the year, esp. with reading Bible stories with the kids.

-Love Adam.

I think this one is going pretty well. :)

-Love the kids:

This one's interesting, because it's the one that takes up most of my time in day-to-day life. I've been noticing how much time I spend taking care of the kids' physical needs (bigger bodies mean MORE food prep and MORE laundry and BIGGER messes), and thinking that - especially while they're home in the summer - I need to include them in more of that work. This might, eventually, have the benefit of taking some of the weight of the household chores off my shoulders, but honestly the reason I want to do it is so that I can spend more time with them, not just taking care of them.

All in all, I think I'm doing well on this one, though as the kids continue to grow and change, I continue to see more and better ways to love them (the above just being one specific example).

-Write.

This is going well. I had a list of nine specific things I wanted to do in my writing life this year, and I've already accomplished five of them. That's really encouraging! If I keep working well, I think I might actually hit everything under this category this year.

How about you? How's it going past the mid-point?

Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

"Keeping House" Read-Along, Chapter 3, "Sheltering a Household"

My notes on chapter 3 of Margaret Kim Peterson's book are, well, just notes. Notes that highlight the few things that stood out to me this time through.  First off, her assertion that:

". . . many of us, I suspect, are demoralized by the task of keeping house in part because we know that our houses, no matter how well-kept, will  never look like the palaces in the dream house publications." - page 44.

Yes. We should careful about where the ideas we come from. What our ideals about homemaking and how did those come to be our ideals? Did we deliberately take them from a trustworthy source - scripture, a good mother, etc. - or did we just absorb the zeitgeist?

And then Peterson comes to what is, to my mind, the most important concept in this chapter:

"Christian tradition . . . has been inclined to see limits as a necessary component of human flourishing." - page 47.

In other words, the fun of life is in the deciding. And then in living within the confines of your decision. No one can love people in general, we must love specific people. You can't follow a general vocation, you must write or pastor or fix computers or what have you. You have to limit yourself, and then flourish within those limits.

And some of these limits are self-imposed limits - there are parts of our life we choose - but as the quotation above implies, a lot of these limits are imposed upon us. And when it comes to the things imposed upon us - most specifically, I think, the law of God - our choice comes in choosing to obey.

But like a young tomato plant encircled by a chicken wire trellis, we thrive within that limiting, strength-lending structure.

Further, on the same point:

"The fact is, there are a lot of lovely and useful things in this world, and our houses and our lives simply do not have room for most of them. We have to learn to say no, and to say no not just to things we don't need or want but also to things we might very well enjoy." - page 56.

One thing I would add is that, when you really internalize this message, you end up having a new kind of fun: the fun of replacing an item that you have really and truly worn out. If you really do use the things you have and use them to the end of their useful life, well, you get to replace them. And that's fun. You get all the fun of choosing and none of the guilt that comes with choosing something you just want and don't really need.

I'm always shocked when I wear out a piece of clothing - I think it's because my children so seldom do (they tend to out-grow, not out-wear) and I deal with their clothes far more than I deal with my own (there being four of them and only one of me), and so my expectations for the life-span of a piece of clothing is set by their clothes and not my own. But I'm not growing anymore, and so I do wear out my clothes eventually, and sometimes I have to buy new ones, not because I want the fun of shopping, but because I need new clothes.

And that, it turns out, is when the shopping is really, truly, fun.

". . . if there are places to put things and it is simple and convenient to put them there, then picking up the house becomes a kind of active meditation, like putting a favorite puzzle together and seeing the familiar picture - the tidy house - appear anew." - page 56.

I totally get this. It's my favorite part of housework.

Read other people's thoughts on this chapter over at The Quotidian Reader.

Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

Daybook for 9/13/11

outside my window . . . a nice, cool, end-of-summer day. The clouds this morning were glorious, covering half the sky, but in little cotton-ball puffs, the edges of each all a-shining.

I am listening to . . . Mumford and Sons' "Home" and Brooke Fraser's "Something in the Water". One is mournful and longing, the other is upbeat and triumphant, and I like them both so very, very much.

I am wearing . . . shorts, a grey t-shirt, Celtic knot earrings from a dear friend, and my hair up and off my neck (of course!).

I am so grateful for . . . a good school experience, so far, for the two oldest.

I'm pondering . . . how I want my writing life to look, now that Adam's gift is finished and I'm back to ordinary times. I think that I always want to be editing/querying a book (so one finished), be writing a book (in process), and be plotting/researching a book (prospective). That way I can move smoothly from one project to another. Ideally, when I finish writing one book, I want another one waited for me: plot outlined and research complete.

We'll see how that goes.

I am reading . . . Ghost Ship, by Lee and Miller. And I'm sadly almost done. Write faster, guys!

I am creating . . . I just finished a tiny vest for a new little boy due soon at our church, and I'm about to cast on a cardigan for Adam's cousin's new baby, also due soon. Oh! And I'm starting my next novel - my first contemporary romance! The research on that one is finally done. Exciting times.

around the house . . . everything's actually pretty clean and calm, now that the rowdy summer days are gone. I'm enjoying the peace.

from the kitchen . . . I have chicken baked; I'm going to shred it and put it on bagels tonight with some marinara sauce and cheese to make mini-pizzas. Strawberries are waiting to be washed for our side dish.

real education in our home . . . spending time each day listening to the kids talk about school, reading books, helping with homework. Doing some popcorn reading of the Psalms with my eldest.

the church year in our home . . . today is the feast day of Cornelius the Centurion and of St. John Chrysostom. I find myself wanting to pray, "May God give us both faithfulness and golden words."

recent milestones . . . the two eldest started school! They both like it, and I'm very grateful. For my part, I'm enjoying having more one-on-one time with the youngest two in the mornings, and with the oldest two in the afternoons, while their little sisters are napping.

the week ahead. . . hoping to get a handle on the new rhythm of our days, now that we've got two in school.

picture thought . . . We had the pleasure of spending a long Labor Day weekend with some dear friends who live a bit north of us, and one of the things we got to do was to help with the bee harvest. It was so cool!

Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

Decluttering report

The kid's play-space under the stairs is done. Completely done. There are some empty Sterlite containers in there that will eventually go to holding other items in other places in the house, but they can live peacefully in the corner till I need them.

I decluttered my cookbook shelf, getting rid of a few that I never use - I think I only have four or five books there now. The Tupperware and dishcloths live there too, and I tossed a bunch of Tupperware - some of it grotty and old, and some of it just stuff that I never reach for because it's never the right shape or size. The dishcloths and dish towels are now separated into two containers instead of one, which will make them easier both to find and to put away.

That shelf now has real, live, actual empty space on it. It's pretty appealing, visually.

The kids' room is done, minus the top bunk of the smaller bunk bed. No one sleeps there now; instead, that's where all the toys-with-small-pieces are living - Legos, magnet dolls, Tinkertoys, etc. - so that they can be played with one at a time, as handed down by a parent. But I need to go through it all and make sure everything that's there ought to be there (probably most of it is - no one in this house is going to toss Legos), and is in a decent container. I'd like to actually get it cleared off and all of those toys put on a high shelf in the closet instead, because though no one's sleeping on that bunk now, someone will need to sleep there someday.

We have a corner cupboard in our living room, and it's not done yet, but the floor in front of it (which is hidden from easy sight, due to its position in between two perpendicularly-arranged couches) is cleared. This is a spot where various crafting items (my crochet stuff, my husband's rope-tying stuff) often accumulated. Now I just have to do the cupboard behind that nice, clear floor space.

It's weird . . . I am experiencing a lot of positive emotion from this decluttering, but I'm experiencing a bit of the negative too. It's the right thing to do - we are a lot of people in a small space, and we spend too much time picking up our stuff instead of using our stuff - but it's still hard to toss stuff.

Less hard to give it away. Though even that's a problem, because I find myself wondering what in the world I was doing with all this stuff in the first place. Who am I that I should have enough stuff that I can afford to get rid of so much of it?

The anxious part of me reminds me that I don't really know if I can afford to get rid of it. Can't tell the future - there might be a disaster lurking around the corner that will make me wish that I kept it. (Worrying is a sin, I remember. The Lord specifically exhorted us not to worry.)

But I try to be wise, and not wasteful, to pray through the process and to trust the Lord for the outcome. The praying part is what makes it okay, because if it's real prayer, and I really offer my actions to Him . . . well, I can trust Him. And so I do.

Also, I remember that neither it would be good stewardship to let the stuff pile to the ceiling.

And sometimes there's a good answer to the question of why we had it and yet don't need it anymore. Often the stuff is stuff that was useful - was sometimes even needed - was sometimes a gift - was sometimes things we never could have afforded on our own - sometimes all of those things together, and now we have passed that stage. Things have changed, the children have grown. When it's that, then passing it on to someone else is just sharing the blessing with which we have been blessed. Lots of good stuff lasts through several families that way, and I'm glad of it.

Life is already easier, just with those few spaces done. Clean-up takes less time and the mess isn't so bad, and if anything the children are even more creative in their play than they were before, now that they have more space to play in, and now that the toys they have are easier to see, easier to get to.

Weird though. I expected this to be an entirely happy process, and it isn't.

Mostly good though. I'm still excited about it. I'm especially looking forward to house-cleaning when it's all done. Cleaning is so much easier when there isn't so much to clean around and when you don't have to wonder where something goes. It's so much better when you know.

Peace of Christ to you,

Jessica Snell

Links! all to one person, but still: Links!

I usually save up my links for one big post, but I think these are particularly worth highlighting, so I'm doing a super-short links post.

In 2009, Elizabeth Foss did a little series of articles about prayer and peace and work in the home. They're very good. I'm not Catholic, so I can't say "amen!" to every one of her theological practices, but her instruction on how to place oneself in the presence of God and then stay there throughout the day is so good.

The first is called Plan for a Peaceful Home, and is mostly about morning prayer.

The second is called Daily Meditations, and is about spiritual reading.

The third is called Prioritizing for Peace, and is about planning your day.

A few snippets to entice you:

"We begin by offering the day to the Lord, opening ourselves to the grace He freely offers and ensuring that even our failures are redemptive."

"Meditation and spiritual reading take less than half an hour a day. That half hour is an investment in my soul. Without the interior peace and direction that meditation brings, there is chaos and aimless drifting. With it, there is relative peace and purpose. It’s not perfect and praying in the morning doesn’t fold my laundry for me, but it does significantly help me to harness my will and to bring the grace and strength that are God’s freely given gifts to the tasks of my vocation."

"Because my day — my work and my play — has been offered to the Lord of my life, every action I make becomes an occasion for silent prayer to Him. I am mindful that this is not really my day, but His."

Peace of Christ to you,

Jessica Snell

Links! many, many mostly-unrelated things

I recommend this post by Fred Sanders on Cyrus the Great, which, in addition to explaining why that ancient king is important and providing one more good apology for classical education, includes many interesting quotations from Dorothy Sayers. ("Sayers" = must-read, yes?)
If you, like me, have a secondhand bread machine sans manual, you might find this post from the Hillbilly Housewife as helpful as I did. She goes through - in great and welcome detail - exactly how to use and figure out the quirks of your new-to-you appliance.
If you know who Fitzwilliam Darcy and Mark Darcy are, and if you have seen the Harry Potter films, you just might find this imagined conversation as funny as I did (it had me laughing out loud). (Also, I want to see the movie they're promoting. The trailer looks great.)
Speaking of Harry Potter, I'm pretty sure I need a "Make Love, Not Horcruxes" t-shirt.
I wrote earlier about using coconut oil as a moisturizer. If you want to read more about something similar, check out Kelly's post about using jojoba oil. She adds a "steaming" step to her routine, which sounds interesting.
Here's a neat blog post passed onto me by my sister-in-law called "Liturgy of the Home", comparing the rhythm of the author's home to the liturgy of the church, and looking at a few of the connections between them.
I really like this hairstyle tutorial (I'm wearing my hair this way right now, in fact!). It's quick and easy, but it looks very elegant.
This post, by a mother who has recently lost her son, is amazing and terrible and sad and all about the love of God. I don't have better words to describe it, but go read it. And pray for her and her husband, please.
Emily has a post about making your own bouillon which is intriguing.

I hope this week's links didn't give you too much whiplash! Not many of them are very related, but hopefully they provide you some good reading.
Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

A Couple of Experiments in Skincare and Housework

Hi folks!

We're a month into the school year now, and the days are turning over nicely, and all the blessings of routine life have me in an experimental mood. My curiosity is at a high enough peak that I'm actually trying new things instead of just thinking about them. They're not huge, life-shaking things. They're just little tweaks. But I like reading about other people's little life hacks, so I thought I'd write about mine.

One thing that I'm trying is using coconut oil on my face, as a moisturizer. Yes, that sounds a bit nuts, and the fear that I would instantly break out in the worst rash of pimples if I even hinted to my skin that I was going to try such an unconventional thing is what kept me just thinking about it for so long. But it's been a few days now, and there's no sign of a breakout. 

The two things that made me think about trying it were 1) it's done wonders for my hair and 2) my grandmother. My grandmother has the loveliest skin you'll ever see. She looks at least thirty years younger than she is because of it. And do you know what her skincare routine is? She puts Vaseline on her face every night. No kidding! And I think it probably sealed in the moisture after she washed her face before going to bed every night. I couldn't help but think that coconut oil would do the same thing.

Here's what I'm doing: every night, after washing my face, I dip the tip of my finger in coconut oil and then rub my hands together, and spread a thin layer of it over my face and neck. Then, in the morning, I wash it all off. I figure that I really will break out if I leave it on all day, because the oil will attract dirt. But at night, on a clean pillowcase, I don't see how it can.

The result so far is healthier-looking skin - honestly! I have an olive complexion that tends to leave me looking tired due to shadows under my eyes, and those have lessened, I think, just because the skin is plumped up a bit because it's not so dry. And I think I have fewer (hate even typing the word) zits than before; certainly I don't have more.

So . . . the second thing is housework. The older my youngest two get, the more energy I have. For some strange reason. Heh.  So I've been looking at my housekeeping routine and trying to figure out how to tweak it so that we have fewer chores left over till the weekend, and so that things are just generally cleaner. We do a good job around her at keeping vital things clean (like, say, food-prep areas), but things like, oh, the top of the fridge and  the baseboards - these are very seldom clean. And, you know, if I have the energy to do it, it's awfully nice to live in a clean home. 

So I'm trying this service. I was willing to experiment with it because it was just $2 for the rest of the year (Oct-Dec) and if I like it, I can just subscribe to the whole year in 2011, and buy that instead of a new personal calendar, adding nothing extra to the budget.

So far? So good. I'm using the page-a-day version and taking out things that don't apply to our home, and adding in things that do. For example, I've got 4 young kids, many of whom are not entirely clear on the proper way to use the toilet (i.e., it's not something you look at while your stream of pee goes elsewhere) and so I'm swiping down the toilet and floor right after I wipe out the bathroom sink. 

What do I like about it? I like that the very dirty areas are done once a day so that they just always look clean. What a luxury is a clean home! Really. I like that it reminds me to do the little things. I like that the less-frequent chores (like cleaning the fridge) are done a bit at a time. I also like that it's fairly similar to the to-do list I write out every day by hand anyway, and it saves me the writing-out part.

I'm also adding in the weekly zone missions from Flylady. Several years ago I did Flylady, and while I learned a lot (and kept up on a lot of it), it's just too over-the-top for me. Very emotional, those emails. And with the four kids, I get enough emotion thrown at me every day to last me, thank you. But the daily missions are helping me to do some deep-cleaning that was neglected in the Toddler Era, and that's nice. 

We're also starting to use this chore system with the older two kids. We've been hemming and hawing on what to do about allowance, and we've finally decided they'll get a small base amount every week, with the option of earning more. I think it strikes a nice balance between you-get-to-partake-in-our-resources-because-you're-part-of-the-family and you-get-to-contribute-your-blood-sweat-and-tears-because-you're-part-of-the-family. The thing I really like about the linked-to system (besides the fact that it's free) is that it lists both expected (unpaid chores) and paid chores, but the paid chores don't get paid unless the expected chores are done first.

The younger two children will be given the chance to earn pennies once I stop worrying about the likelihood of them eating said pennies.

So those are my recent experiments. I'll let you know if any of them crash and burn! But (especially regarding the first) don't expect pictures if they do. ;)

Peace of Christ to you,

Jessica Snell