"See that ye fall not out by the way"

I'm very slowly reading through St. Francis de Sales' "Introduction to the Devout Life" in the evenings when I brush and floss my teeth. I recently came across a section that's been running through my head since I read it, because it struck me that the Lord wanted me to think about it in the context of how I mother. I thought I'd share it, because all toddlers and preschooler are annoying at least part-time, and I thought there were probably other moms out there who struggle with anger when they discipline their children.

Here it is:

When the Patriarch Joseph sent his brethren back from Egypt to his father's house, he only gave them one counsel, "See that ye fall not out by the way." And so, my child, I say to you. This miserable life is but the road to a blessed life; do not let us fall out by the way with one another; let us go on with the company of our brethren gently, peacefully, and kindly. Most emphatically I say it, If possible, fall out with no one, and on no pretext whatever suffer your heart to admit anger and passion. St. James says, plainly and unreservedly, that "the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God." Of course it is a duty to resist evil and to repress the faults of those for whom we are responsible, steadily and firmly, but gently and quietly . . . Correction given in anger, however tempered by reason, never has so much effect as that which is given altogether without anger; for the reasonable soul being naturally subject to reason, it is a mere tyranny which subjects it to passion, and wherever reason is led by passion it becomes odious, and its just rule obnoxious. When a monarch visits a country peaceably the people are gratified and flattered; but if the king has to take his armies through the land, even on behalf of the public welfare, his visit is sure to be unwelcome and harmful, because, however strictly military discipline may be enforced, there will always be some mischief done to the people. Just so when reason prevails, and administers reproof, correction, and punishment in a calm spirit, although it be strict, everyone approves and is content. But if reason be hindered by anger and vexation . . . there will be more fear than love, and reason itself will be despised and resisted." (emphasis mine)

I think somewhere I picked up the idea that it was good to let my children see my anger at their misdeeds, because it showed them that their bad behavior was a serious matter. But I have been rethinking this, especially in light of what de Sales says here. Perhaps that is true of very serious things - I don't think it's bad to let them see how horrified I am when they almost run in front of a car, say (Lord keep us from that!) - but as a general rule, oughtn't I to be controlling my passions the way I want them to control theirs? What they should notice is how seriously I take doing the right thing, not how seriously I take my emotions. As de Sales says, "a calm spirit, though it be strict [and everyone] is content."

Anyone else thought about this?

peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell