the twins

I'm sorry, I'm afraid this blog is becoming more baby-centered than church year centered, but right now, my biggest task from the Lord seems be be gestating (not that that's inappropriate in Advent!).

I got to see a perinatologist today, who confirmed that the twins are monoamniotic. So it looks like I am headed for a hospital stay starting just after Christmas. I'm not surprised, although she seemed to be - she had trouble believing that she couldn't find a membrane between them and kept repeating things like, "This is just so rare!" :)

The good news is that the girls look good. Nothing else is wrong with them, so if we can get them here at around 32 weeks, they have as good a fighting chance as any other preemie, and better than many (32 weeks being better than, say, 24). It was so good and reassuring to see them, so beautiful and well-formed, and curled up right next to each other, heads touching.

I feel . . . a little like I wandered into Narnia. I'm suddenly faced with this weird, impossible task, but it's an inevitable impossible task, and Aslan's set me to it, so I'm just going to do it.

Well, actually, not quite like I'm in Narnia, but like we are in Narnia. Like Adam and I and are kids are the Pevensies, all stumbled through the wardrobe together, bewildered, but willing to do what we're asked, even though it seems like it might kill us.

I don't know, I have nothing profound. Just that I can see where I am now, and I can see where I hope to be this time next year, but I can't see much in between. I know I'm gonna walk through it, but I can't even really think about it. I'm just gonna do the next thing, by God's grace.


And, you know, He's being very gracious. The hospital closest to us - a wonderful, Catholic hospital, where I delivered my first two children, can handle this pregnancy, and the girls if they come early. And my husband has a job with insurance that will cover, it looks like, all of our costs (which is HUGE). And we have family and friends nearby, wonderful people, who are willing to take on the hardship of caring for our two older children while I can't. And who will care for them lovingly and kindly - I can't even express how grateful I am to know that Bess and Gamgee will be well taken care of while I'm in the hospital. And I'll probably get to spend Christmas at home (minus an hour or two under monitoring at the hospital). And there's nothing else wrong with the girls but this. And the hard part of this pregnancy is coming at a time of the year when some of our family have time off from work. There are many, many things that could be worse; it feels like He's saying, "I am giving you this one hard thing to do, but don't worry about anything else. Just do this one thing. Just take care of these girls, while I take care of you and yours." I hope I'm hearing rightly.

peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell