prayer in less-than-ideal circumstances

My babies are home. Hence the lack of posts the last few days.

And my heart is full. There have been several times the last few days when I have glanced around the room, seen every single one of my family members, and closed my eyes in a moment of absolute pleasure, simply savoring the presence of all five of them: husband, son and three daughters, in the same place as me, for the first time in over two months. (Well, the first time with all of the daughters on the outside.)

And my hands are full. (By the way, am I the only woman who gets "boy, you have your hands full!" from every chance-met stranger in the store, on the street, at the library? Not the worse thing to hear, certainly, but awfully repetitive.) Our twins aren't yet nursing exclusively, and so in addition to taking one hour out of every three to feed them, my husband and I are spending lots of time washing bottle and breastpump parts, and I'm spending time pumping. And we're taking care of our two older children. And no, I don't know how I'm going to do it when my husband goes back to work, but I have the suspicion that God will provide grace to me when that happens, and not before.

Anyway, on a liturgical note, Jen's suggestion that one ought to pray more when one is busy and not less has been ringing in my mind. And I have to agree with her. Just about the best thing that came out of my month and a half long hospitalization was a deeper sense of God's presence. After all, it was mostly just me and Him every day, for all those days.

But my prayers the past couple of days have been scattered and worried, something long the lines of, "Please help them eat, Lord. Oh they did. Oh, thank you. Oh dear, what should I do next? Do you know? Of course you do. Hmm, wish I did." And so on.

The best remedy when your prayers sound like that is to 1) be okay with it. After all, we listen to OUR children babble, and why wouldn't our heavenly Father listen to us? and 2) Take the time to pray a few prayers that were a) written by people who were further along on the path of sainthood and b) not sleep-deprived.

There are, of course, lots of prayers like that in the Book of Common Prayer, and even more in the Psalms. But what's worked for me the past few days has been singing hymns. But not just singing them, but praying them as I sing them. I've found that after singing several hymns, with all their good theology and excellent music (yes, such hymns exist), my babbling prayers during the rest of the day are less worried and more just contentedly tired. More full of trust and less full of anxiety. Because the hymns have reminded me of the nature of our Lord, and how is He is both ever-ready to help those who turn to Him and ever-powerful to perform that help.

peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

p.s. I would, of course, appreciate your prayers, should you feel led. Especially that our little girls continue to eat and gain weight, and maybe even learn how to nurse. :) God bless you!