Daybook

outside my window . . . it is hot, but experience tells me it's not nearly so hot as it'll be in, say, September.

I am listening to . . . Dallas Willard's series of lectures on the Divine Conspiracy. I highly, highly recommend this 12-part series, particularly this last bit on prayer.

I am wearing . . . workout clothes, because I just finished letting Jillian kick my butt. Again. Some more.

I am so grateful for . . . health insurance. Seriously.

I am reading . . . Tales of the Resistance, to the kids. Highly, highly recommended. The prose is sometimes a little of-its-era, but the stories are so good.

I am creating . . . hexipuffs!

around the house . . . there are many, many drying towels and swimsuits. The kids all just finished a few weeks of swim lessons. Loved seeing my eldest get stronger in her swimming, and the little ones enthusiastically tackle the scary skills of floating all by themselves and putting their heads completely under the water. :)

from the kitchen . . . so many tomatoes. So. Many.

real education in our home . . . we're reading, we're sewing, we're writing. We're, um, playing many, many video-games . . .

the church year in our home . . . it's Ordinary Time, that good, green, growing season. We're growing. We're putting in time helping out at church, getting better at tasks that are still new to all of us in our eight-month-old congregation. It's good.

picture thought . . . so, up at the lake, we saw these things swimming around, and thought, "Wow, those are really weird fish":

And then we said, "Hey, it looks like they have legs."

And then we said, "I don't think those are fish."

And then we caught one:

Turns out bullfrog tadpoles are really, really big. As tadpoles go.

Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

Links!

"You don't put your life into books. You find it there."

At a certain stage of writing, I have great difficulty reading other fiction. But this is akin to saying “I have great difficulty breathing oxygen.” And when, as now, the intense writing stage stretches out somewhat longer than expected, I begin to get…squirrely. I’m crafting my own story while holding my breath. I crave a nice deep inhalation of fiction.

"Tim Keller's Top 10 Evangelism Tips" (Hat tip: Challies):

A while ago on our elder retreat we listened to a talk Tim Keller gave at Lausanne. As part of that talk he gave 10 tips to help our lay folk in their evangelism. They were so helpful I wanted to put them down somewhere, so here they are . . .

St. Patrick's Breastplate:

The Breastplate is an odd song with an odd tune and it comes from an odd people. Chesterton talks about the Gaels of Ireland as the men that God made mad, for all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. Growing up among the Irish in America, I'd say that's about right. There's a fierceness, an a mystic tenacity about St. Patrick's Breastplate that's quintessentially Irish. It's a hymn for those who see the supernatural as a plain fact, as plain as potatoes. 

Finally, christianaudio.com's free download this month is "Hearing God" by Dallas Willard. This is a great book (you can read my review of it here) and I encourage you take advantage of this offer (I did!).

Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

Chapbook Entry for "Hearing God", by Dallas Willard

"All of the words that we are going to receive from God, no matter what may accompany them externally or internally, will ultimately pass through the form of our own thoughts and perceptions. We must learn to find in them the voice of God in whom we live and move and have our being." - pg. 182

"It cannot be stressed too much that the permanent address at which the word of God may be found is the Bible." - pg. 183

"God acts toward me in a distinctively personal manner. This is the common testimony across wide ranges of Christian fellowship and history. I think it is this sense of being seized in the presence of Scripture, in a manner so widely shared, that gives the Bible its power to assure us in the face of our continuing fallibility. We stand within a community of the spoken to." (emphasis mine.) - pg. 184

"Without any real communication from God our view of the world is very impersonal, however glorious we may find God's creation. But there is all the difference in the world between having a fine general view that this is our Father's world - or even that an arrangement has been made for our eternal redemption - and having confidence, based in experience, that the Father's face, whether in the dark of the night or the brightness of the day, is turned toward us, shining upon us, and that the Father is speaking to us individually." - pg. 186

". . . God is not a mumbling trickster.

"On the contrary it is to be expected, given the revelation of God in Christ, that if he wants us to know something, he will be both able and willing to communicate with us plainly, just as long as we are open and prepared by our experience to hear and obey." - pg. 191

When seeking direction regarding a specific matter and direction doesn't come: "I do not cease my general attitude of listening. But I am neither disappointed nor alarmed, nor even concerned, as a rule . . . From my own experience, then, and from what I have been able to learn from the Scriptures and from others who live in a working relationship with God's voice, I am led to the following conclusion: Direction will always be made available to the mature disciple if without it serious harm would befall people concerned in the matter or the cause of Christ." - pg. 200

"Think of it this way: no decent parents would obscure their intentions for their children. A general principle for interpreting God's behavior towards us is provided in Jesus' words, 'If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!' (Lk 11:12). How much more will our heavenly Father give clear instructions to those who sincerely ask him - in those cases where he has any to give? Where he has none to give, we may be sure that it is because it is best that he does not. Then whatever lies within his moral will and whatever is undertaken in faith is his perfect will. It is no less perfect because it was not specifically dictated by him. Indeed it is perhaps more perfect precisely because he saw no need for precise dictation. He expects and trusts us to choose, and he goes with us in our choice.

"Several different courses of action may, then, each be God's perfect will in a given circumstance. We should assume that this is so in all cases where we are walking in his general will, are experienced in hearing his voice and, on seeking, find no specific direction given. In these cases there are usually various things that would equally please God, though he directs none of them in particular to be done. All are perfectly in his will because none is better than the others so far as he is concerned, and all are good. he would not have you do other than you are doing. (Of course, being in his perfect will does not mean you are quite flawless yet! You can be in his perfect will without being a perfect human being!)" - pgs. 206-207

The above rings so true with my own experience as a parent; I love watching my children choose between goods. They become more themselves when they say, "This and not that," and in such cases, what I'm hoping is not that they choose one good or the other, but that they choose what is best for them, and I rejoice that they have more than one good to choose between. It makes so much sense - as our parenting, at its best, is only a pale reflection of the fatherhood of God - that He would rejoice in seeing us choose between goods too. It must be like watching a toddler, finally able to take more than ten steps in a row, wobble confidently towards his stuffed bear instead of his stuffed rabbit, grinning all the time at his accomplishment. You're just delighting in him, and are happy for him to grab either toy.

A quotation from John Wood Oman: "We can only be absolutely dependent upon God as we are absolutely independent in our own souls, and only absolutely independent in our own souls as we are absolutely dependent on God. A saved soul, in other words, is a soul true to itself because, with its mind on God's will of love and not on itself, it stands in God's world unbribable and undismayed, having freedom as it has piety and piety as it is free." - quoted on pg. 204

Book Review: Scripture by Heart: Devotional Practices for Memorizing God's Word by Joshua Choonmin Kang

I found this book while searching on Amazon for stuff by Dallas Willard. I was puzzled when that search brought up something by Joshua Choonmin Kang, who I'd never heard of, but then saw that Dr. Willard had written the forward. I have to say: what a helpful search feature for Amazon to have! It's not a jump to suppose that a buyer would be interested in books that their favorite authors approve of. And in this case, I was very interested indeed, because I've been trying for some time to make scripture memorization a bigger part of my life.
Upon receiving this book, I found that it's half instructional manual and half devotional: some of the chapters teach you how to memorize scripture and some of them inspire you with reasons to memorize. Most of them are a mix of the two, both encouraging and equipping you at the same time. Though I read most of this book on retreat, I think it's perfectly suited for a nightstand: it's the sort of book that will give you the push you need to keep going when you're halfway through the long slog of memorizing a chapter or a book of the Bible. Most of the chapters are only a few pages long, but densely packed with jewels like this:
"Memorized Scripture verses make it just that much easier for the Holy Spirit to communicate with us, to guide and instruct us."
"Please note, when the bible uses the word success, it refers to accomplishing something God has entrusted to us."
"Receiving the Word of God is tantamount to welcoming Jesus into our heart."
Pastor Kang's words have been immensely helpful to me in my quest to memorize scripture because he doesn't just urge you to do it, he tells you why you should, and his reasons are compelling. He says, "Love and learning have always been relative to each other." In other words, when we love someone, we want to know him. So, loving God implies that we will learn about him.
In the end though, it's that first quotation that seems to me to be the heart of the book: "Memorized Scripture verses make it just that much easier for the Holy Spirit to communicate with us". I want my mind to be shaped by God's words, so that when he has something to say to me, it will be easy for me to receive it. In the words of the old Arch Bible story book The Seeds that Grew to Be a Hundred:
Now, some people listen, but others don't.
So the meaning of the story is clear.
Don't be like ground where seeds can't grow.
Open your ears and hear.
This is the message of Pastor Kang's book: hide God's word in your heart and that word will shape your heart. It will shape it so that it is like Jesus'.

I highly recommend this book.
Peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell

Advent

I haven't been blogging through Advent for a very good reason: I've been observing Advent.

I haven't been blogging through Advent for some bad reasons too, but since they are the usual, boring, sinful reasons (sloth, etc.), I'll let them lie.

But Advent! This has been a good Advent. It's been a hard Advent.

For the first time since the twins were born, it looks like Advent around here. We're doing an Advent wreath and a Jesse tree, and the devotions to go with. The children are all really learning the Christmas story and the history that preceded Christ's coming. (It comes out in their play. There were two Marys and one Elizabeth wandering up and down the stairs this morning, and at least a couple death threats from King Herod towards the camel.)

And I've been reading Revelation and Isaiah and the gospels and the psalms, and it's sinking into my heart.

I've been praying, and thinking about prayer. I don't know if I've got much worth saying about it yet, but I've been remembering my impression as a new wife (very new - it was an impression formed during my honeymoon) that the most important part of my role as a wife and mother would be to pray for my family.

I've been reading and listening to Dallas Willard, and praying and thinking about prayer some more.

I've been fighting what's starting to look like a seasonal depression, and beginning to understand (I think) why it's happening. I don't think it's about light. I think, three years ago, when I thought half of my family was going to die*, my body got used to fighting despair around this time of year, and I haven't kicked the habit of battening down all the hatches after All Saints' Day and not coming out till after the New Year. Can a body form a seasonal habit of depression based on one truly, truly stressful experience?** It surely feels like it. I feel like a wuss just saying it, but there it is. My journal entries from this time of year this year are almost identical to the ones the year before; I'm not imagining it.

And I was just about to type, "this experience hasn't been altogether awful", but I realized that that's not true; experientially, it has been. But I have hope that it might turn into something not awful, especially if I can learn to turn towards help instead of away when I feel weak and worthless.

And I've thought a lot about Christ coming into our dark world. There's a version of "The Carol of the Bells" done by the TransSiberian Orchestra that makes you think, "Christmas: the Action Movie", what with all the electric guitar and wild, wailing chords. But that just makes me think of "The Dream of the Rood"'s vision of "the young hero, Christ" who stepped onto the cross (willingly, of his own accord), and how Advent is really that: the story of the hero, choosing the adventure, the tragedy even, for the sake of those he loved. 

(And just like Lent: you can't keep the secret: it's not a tragedy, it's a eucatastrophe, it's all turned around, from the inside out, and the worst thing becomes the best thing, and he wins and it's  a victory and it's all brilliantly, brilliantly redeemed - and so instead of dirges this season, we sing carols, because he's come not just to die, but to rise, and better yet, to go and then to come back and to take us with him. To make us like him. And if you know him at all, well, then you know what good news that is.)

He's with us. And he was with us. Here, in this darkness, in this bleak midwinter. To quote Stephen Lawhead, He knows.

So. That is what I have. There's so much more I've been thinking about, but it feels like a season to take things in, and not to spew it all out in writing, because everything inside me needs to sit for awhile, and settle. But I can't help saying: He came. He is good. I'm so glad. 

May you all have a blessed and joyous Advent. 

Peace of Christ to you,

Jessica Snell

*My twins had a serious, potentially fatal in-utero condition and my husband had cancer.

**Since writing this, I've found out that, actually, yes, it can. Apparently it's a pretty common reaction.

journaling and prayer

I’m thinking about what Dallas Willard said about prayer, and about how it’s conversation with God about matters of mutual concern. And it made me feel better about how I usually pray – which is often in my journal.

I've been journaling regularly since the first day of eighth grade, and often, my best prayer times happen when I'm journaling. Because I don't journal to record events; I journal to figure things out. When I journal, I take what is bothering me, these big knotty problems that I can’t see a way around, and I lay them all out on the table, spreading them out so I can examine all the different bits, and I try to do that consciously in the Lord’s presence, inviting Him in and saying, “what is this? What am I missing? What do I do about this? Help me. Help me see what I’m seeing, help me know what to do, what my approach should be. Give me wisdom. Have mercy on me. Help me.”*

 And that? According to Willard, that is prayer. He said that the heart of prayer is the request. That there are other things a praying person will have in his life, like thanksgiving and praise, but that the heart of prayer is the request. And this, this laying out my problems and trying to look at them with the Lord – that’s prayer.

 I guess I always felt a little badly, because I so often felt like I prayed in my troubles and not in my joys. But now I see: prayer is for the troubles. Thanksgiving and praise is for the joys. It’s okay. It’s like in that song “Sacred” by Caedmon’s Call, where the singer is talking about her children and says, “Teach me to run to You/Like they run to me/For every little thing.” I am God’s child, and running to Him for “every little thing” is kind of what I’m supposed to be doing. That is, given the relationship, it makes sense. This is how children treat their parents.

Peace of Christ to you,

Jessica Snell

*It's become this more and more as I've gotten older. It wasn't all prayer at the beginning and still isn't now, but the further I get in His service, the more it all become that.  

 

what prayer is

This definition has been rolling around in my head since I read it about a week ago. From Dallas Willard's The Divine Conspiracy:

". . . prayer to the God of Israel and of Jesus, the living and personal God of the universe, is intelligent conversation about matters of mutual concern." (chapter 6)

The feeling I first had when I read that, and which has lingered, was some combination of delight and relief. Of course that's what it is. It reminded me of the time when I was worried about my eldest daughter, and someone wise told me, "Pray about it. God cares about her even more than you do, Jess," and I felt relief, realizing that it was true, that I didn't just share this burden with Him, but that He could completely shoulder it Himself,and was simply allowing me the dignity of carrying it with Him, as I allow my children to help me with my duties.

But that God and I have mutual concerns - and I immediately realized that we do - was a realization both homely and humbling. Things from the spiritual growth of my children to my own habitual temptations to the health of my husband to the health of our church, even to the health of our nation and to the spread of the gospel. Some more mine than others - but all of these things that concern me also concern Him, and we can talk about them, much as my husband and I sit at the end of the day and talk about our household concerns. 

Not that I am God's equal in the way I am my husband's . . . but that there is something of that same mutuality. That (because He has lent me Himself and I have started to grow a little like Him) I do care about things that He cares about, and that we can discuss them together.* That I can ask my questions, and that I can listen to Him as He answers me. That I can present a situation and that He does have an opinion on it, and that He will, at times, share it with me.

"Intelligent conversation about mutual concerns." It keeps rolling around in my mind, and I keep savoring the flavor of the thought, trying to let it inform me, to teach me what to do with my anxieties, to remind me Who I am to bring them to, and how I am to hold them lightly, so that He can take them from me. 

God be praised for His great goodness to us. God also be praised for his servant, Dallas Willard. It is amazing how God lets us share in His work.

Peace of Christ to you,

Jessica Snell

*Also, I can't help but note, that if there is something in my life that I feel does not concern Him, it is probably a sign that A) I am wrong or B) it is something that should not be in my life. If you pray about everything, you just might end up repenting a lot. Not that that is bad. It is, actually, very good. Hard to hide when there is light coming in through every window.

Pentecost

As I was falling asleep last night, I was thinking about books and the Holy Spirit. I was thinking about how when I read books by Dallas Willard and St. Francis de Sales - two men from different time periods and different Christian traditions - I hear the same voice in them.

And this, I think, is how I know - apart from the intellectual arguments - that people on opposite sides of the schisms, people even from different parts of history, these Christians of whom I am one, are servants of the same Lord. Because you can read the work of an ancient Catholic saint and a modern Protestant and hear the same voice speaking through both men. You can hear the influence of the Holy Spirit in both men's words. You know that they are listening to the same Person and meditating on the same Lord's instructions and following the same Way.

I think this is part of the gift of the Holy Spirit. Because He deigns to be present in each Christian, we are able to recognize each other. I'm not saying this like He's a magical talisman that beeps when you pass someone else that has one. What I am saying is that I think this is some of how Jesus' statement in John 10, that His sheep know Him and know His voice, works out in our lives. Because the Holy Spirit really is in us, we can really see Him, and hear Him, in each other. We know Him.

Sometimes, of course, we don't listen to Him, and when we're not listening to Him, I'm guessing it's probably harder for others to hear Him through us. But doesn't knowing that give you something to aim for? That's what I want: I want a heart pure enough that the light of the Holy Spirit can shine through it. I've seen that in other people in my own life - I've heard it in the words of men like de Sales and Willard - and I want to be like that. 

Not that anyone does it perfectly. None of us perfectly, not even these great saints. But you can see it in others, and isn't it heartening when you do? The great saints seem to me to be windows through which God's light can shine. Stained glass windows for sure, with streaks of black and odd-shaped sections colored by experiences good and bad. But God, as He always does, takes the mess we've made and - great artist that He is - turns it into something beautiful that shows His glory. Like a stained glass window. 

And the church, "with schisms rent asunder/with heresies distressed", is still the church. And you can know it is so because you can look at the Orthodox or at the Catholics or at the Protestants and in all of those groups you will find men and women who are filled with the same Holy Spirit. He is, as Paul said, our promise, our seal, that Jesus will indeed return and make it all right again. We know He will return because He did not leave us on our own. God is with us.  And He will come back and make it all right.

Happy Pentecost!

Peace of Christ to you,

Jessica Snell