journaling and prayer

I’m thinking about what Dallas Willard said about prayer, and about how it’s conversation with God about matters of mutual concern. And it made me feel better about how I usually pray – which is often in my journal.

I've been journaling regularly since the first day of eighth grade, and often, my best prayer times happen when I'm journaling. Because I don't journal to record events; I journal to figure things out. When I journal, I take what is bothering me, these big knotty problems that I can’t see a way around, and I lay them all out on the table, spreading them out so I can examine all the different bits, and I try to do that consciously in the Lord’s presence, inviting Him in and saying, “what is this? What am I missing? What do I do about this? Help me. Help me see what I’m seeing, help me know what to do, what my approach should be. Give me wisdom. Have mercy on me. Help me.”*

 And that? According to Willard, that is prayer. He said that the heart of prayer is the request. That there are other things a praying person will have in his life, like thanksgiving and praise, but that the heart of prayer is the request. And this, this laying out my problems and trying to look at them with the Lord – that’s prayer.

 I guess I always felt a little badly, because I so often felt like I prayed in my troubles and not in my joys. But now I see: prayer is for the troubles. Thanksgiving and praise is for the joys. It’s okay. It’s like in that song “Sacred” by Caedmon’s Call, where the singer is talking about her children and says, “Teach me to run to You/Like they run to me/For every little thing.” I am God’s child, and running to Him for “every little thing” is kind of what I’m supposed to be doing. That is, given the relationship, it makes sense. This is how children treat their parents.

Peace of Christ to you,

Jessica Snell

*It's become this more and more as I've gotten older. It wasn't all prayer at the beginning and still isn't now, but the further I get in His service, the more it all become that.  

 

journaling as a spiritual discipline

I’ve kept a journal regularly since the first day of eighth grade which would be, oh, fifteen years ago. Wow.

Not daily, mind, but regularly. And it’s funny to see how it’s changed. For me, journaling has always been more about personal growth than about remembering what’s happened, though I have my share of those entries. The “this is so wonderful, I just need to get it down so I never forget” sort of entries.

But more, journaling has been about figuring out what I’m feeling and what I think. I’ve often said, “I don’t know what I think until I read it” and that’s true. When I don’t journal, I feel lost and confused, because my thoughts are disordered. If I can get my thoughts down on paper, I know what they are, and then they’re contained and I can examine them. After examining them, I can pray about them, think about them, and decided what to do about them.

Not being a complete idiot, I get rid of any journal entries I really, truly, never want anyone to see. Most of them aren’t like that though. I mean, I’d be embarrassed to have anyone read my journal, but I’d probably be more embarrassed for whoever read it than I would be for myself, because I think it’d say more about their character than it would about mine. No one who knows me would be surprised at, say, the amount of anxiety present in my journal entries, you know? Most of my habitual sins aren’t that invisible, sadly.

Which leads me to why I’m writing this blog post: people often think of journals as secret, sacred spaces. But I’m coming more and more to view mine as a tool. As a necessary part of keeping myself spiritually disciplined. And I think largely that’s because I am, and always have been, a writer. And unless I incorporate writing into my spiritual life, my spiritual life is not integrated, not whole.

I wonder if it’s the same for musicians? Do they have to – in addition to the hours they spend practicing or composing – spend time just playing for the joy of it? Or in earnest worship? Or in emotive release?

Is it a need for anyone who has a talent (and everyone has some kind of talent) to sometimes use it not for production, but for calibration? Journaling feels like a tune-up; it’s how I get my heart in line with my head in line with my body.

I still record momentous events – well, sometimes. I still pour out my frustrations – well, occasionally.

But mostly, I circle ‘round the areas in my life where I’m trying to build virtue, where I’m trying to defeat vice. I look at my various goals: a better devotional life, better mothering, better writing, better housekeeping, better health, a good marriage, better friendships, and I ask, is what I’m doing working? How can I fix this? What’s worth keeping here and what do I have to prune?

And then I pray about them - in writing. Lord help me, help them, help us. May your will be done.

It’s centering and it’s calming. It’s a tool for peace.


So . . . am I the only one? And if it’s not journaling in your life, what is it? What do you use to calibrate yourself? To present the turmoil of your soul to the Lord and submit your life to His will? To accept His presence, His instruction, His peace? I’m very curious if it’s writing for anyone else, and if it isn’t writing, what it is.

peace of Christ to you,
Jessica Snell